When you got married, you didn’t get a manual to help you get through the challenges of Dealing with Adultery, so what do you do when you are faced with this situation? Here you will learn the 3 phases you will need to work through, to survive infidelity.

For more information, please sign up for the Free 7 Part E Course on Getting Over an Affair to the right of the screen. Written by highly respected marriage counselor Dr. Frank Gunzberg, this can help you start getting over the affair today.

Dealing with Adultery, What Should You Do?

You just found out you are married to a cheater. It may feel as if the world just came crashing down upon you. Now what?

To find out about your spouse’s cheating is one of the most wrenching, emotionally-devastating events that can happen in a marriage—ranked up there with the death of a spouse.

A common reaction from the cheating victim is, “I don’t know what to do.” What should you do first? Again, there was no marriage-help manual provided at the altar. But here you are, trying to pick up what can feel like the shredded remnants of your life after you’ve had the wind knocked out of you.

And infidelity truly shreds everything that was once whole: your relationship with and trust in your spouse, your sense of peace, your self-esteem, and your thoughts . It can be extremely overwhelming, especially since you have more going on than just tending your relationship. No doubt you are trying to run your household, take care of family members, and work, too—while in excruciating psychological and emotional pain.

Most of us, when in pain, want a way to turn it off, immediately. But in the case of adultery, the wounds run deep, and there is no quick fix. In an effort to escape the pain, you may have thoughts such as:

“I’ll pack a bag and leave tonight,” or,

“I’ll pick his bag and make him leave this afternoon!”

While this may seem a reasonable response to an extremely unreasonable set of circumstances brought about by your spouse’s cheating, it does not actually help you to heal from this pain.

After learning of the affair, you may not know exactly where to begin the healing process, but I want to give you a broad-based plan so you can break the process down into more manageable phases. Most people experiencing a crisis feel better with a working plan. It’s concrete, it’s logical—and it’s something solid to hold onto in an uncertain, emotionally-wrought time.

Here are The 3 Healing Phases you need to know to help you survive infidelity and heal from the pain.

Phase 1: The Cheating Victim: Your Pain Comes First

Healing in the marriage can’t come until you have looked after yourself first. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t have an easy time taking care of anything or anyone else.

If you want to survive infidelity, you first need to address the onslaught of thoughts and emotions that are overwhelming you. If you don’t have a firm internal foundation, you will be unable to rebuild a firm foundation in your marriage.

You have to deal with the negative impact of your spouse’s cheating actions. This includes effectively handling all of those negative thoughts and emotions, images of the affair, and self-doubts until you begin to feel some semblance of internal peace again.

Putting solid ground down internally will strengthen your ability to put one down externally in phase two.

Phase 2 : The Couple in Crisis: Begin Working—And Healing—Together

This is as challenging a phase as the first one in which you work on yourself—perhaps even more so. In phase 2, you need to work on communicating effectively with your spouse.

No doubt, the early stages of this phase will feel very strained. You may have a lot of anger, and find yourself lashing out at your spouse, and your spouse’s response may be the silent treatment as retaliation for the discomfort he or she may feel over what they have done to your marriage.

It will take effort on the part of you and your spouse to work together on your communication skills, and for you as the victim, to feel some sense of trust that your partner is truly committed to this process.

There will be lapses into negative thoughts as you begin to work with your spouse, but it doesn’t mean your internal foundation is at risk—it’s just being challenged by the rawness of communicating after the devastation of the affair.

Phase 3: Rebuild Your Marriage

Once you and your spouse are in a place of being able to communicate again, when these talks can be characterized as more positive in nature rather than angry outbursts and recriminations, you are ready to begin rebuilding the foundation of your marriage.

It is in this phase that you will work on transparency and building trust again. In essence, you are wiping clean the way things have “always been done” in your marriage, and recreating a stronger foundation with very clear-cut, defined rules.

The work of a marriage never stops, so this phase will move from a period of rebuilding to one in which you are continuously solidifying. There will even be occasions where you step back into the first two phases, so don’t be thrown off your end goal, which is surviving infidelity.

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What to Do RIGHT Now After the Affair

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dealing with adultery divorce and lawyers

Dealing with Adultery may be the last thing you want to consider after you learned of your spouse cheating on you. Your first thoughts may be to get a good lawyer and a divorce.
You might consider marriage counseling as an alternative way to deal with their infidelity.
So Here’s a few questions to ask yourself to help you decide whether to seek marriage help or to seek a lawyer and divorce.

For Help Dealing with Adultery Right Now, please sign up for the Free 7 part e Course, Surviving The Affair, to right of this page.

[click to continue…] proof your marriage

Statistics show that more relationships will be affected by adultery than divorce!

Alarming figures aren’t they?

If you were sitting in a room with 9 other couples, at least 5 of them are going to be rocked by an affair? And the sad part is, most of the victims won’t even see it coming.
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Dealing with The Silence Following Infidelity

by Lee on December 15, 2010

Relationship crisis

No one wants to believe that their partner is lying to them, especially when it comes to infidelity.

Most people have a strong desire to believe what their partner tells them, even when your gut is telling you differently. Trusting your partner creates a sense of comfort and security and the very thought that this is under threat often prevents you from acknowledging what deep down you know is true.

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Coping with Infidelity – Confide in Me

by Lee on December 5, 2010

When your suspicions have been confirmed, and you know for sure that your partner has been cheating on you, it knocks the wind right out of you.

It feels like someone has reached into your chest and has a grip on your heart, squeezing the life out of it. Your stomach is in knots and you become numb.

It is devastating to find out that the person you thought you knew better than you knew yourself has betrayed you so deeply. It is so easy to let these feelings overwhelm you. It seems like all you want to do is to just lock yourself away from the world and let it pass you by.

But, life goes on. And you will get through it.
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After An Affair Life Does Go On

by Lee on December 3, 2010

Recovery after an affair is a slow process that requires both physical and mental energy.

Physically you need to get rid of his things. If he was only staying over occasionally that shouldn’t be a huge task but if you have been sharing a life together for some time and have been living together, this job alone can just seem too big on your own.
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How to Affair Proof Your Marriage

by Lee on November 25, 2010

Marriage Advice

It may astound you to know that statistics show, affairs are now more common than divorce!  I for one, was shocked to read that it is more likely that my partner or I will be unfaithful than to actually divorce.

Incredible isn’t it?

But before you throw your hands in the air and decide that nothing could possibly be worth that kind of heartache, it might help to know that there are some positive steps you can take to actually help to affair proof your marriage and all it takes is a committed effort by both of you.
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